Northern Lights Tea/Thé Aurores Boreales

vector: This tastes like our dishwater - like regular dishwater strained through a mass of tea leaves.

I would trade nothing for a kilo of this tea, and no balls will it receive.

Scalded Balls: If I didn't know better I would suspect that this tea was made by Lipton. It has a bad black tea aftertaste without any *taste* taste.

For a kilo of this tea I would trade a snarling hissing cat that did not belong to me.

Balls? No.

The Anatomically Disadvantaged Reviewer: This tea smells like an old Strawberry Shortcake doll with a soupçon of vanilla. It tastes like Saint John city water that has been used to rinse out a jam jar.

I would trade all of the baths that I had in Saint John in which I could not see my legs due to sketchy water for a kilo of this tea.

I would put my balls in this tea in hopes of removing all traces of Saint John water, as the tea would probably do a better job of cleaning.

Magic Jane From Far Away: Smells like 'Fresh Meadow'-style dryer sheets. Tastes like nothing, but not in an unpleasant way. Soothing.

I would trade three used dryer sheets for a kilo of this tea.

If you watched the Northern Lights while drinking this tea then you might just be inspired to dip your balls in it.

Dr. Capitalism: Pretty much tastes like water that someone has squeezed used teabags into. This tea might have met good tea at a casual-dress reception a few years back, but they didn't really have much to talk about and shared an awkward silence.

I'd trade a jar of beet water for a kilo of this crud.

I would not dip my balls in it (but for an interesting visual effect, try teabagging the beet juice. I think you'll be surprised!).