Distinctly Tea Rooibos Maritime Cranberry

Rejoice!
For the Inspiration and Education Coordinator of our Te house his here to review with me today!
X-bein is our second international guest, traveling all the way from Germany to grace us with her exceptional Te senses, stupendous levels of Te knowledge, and inspire us with her witty banter!

Now on with the Te!
(see lots of exclamation marks, I am phenomenally inspired!)

X-Bein with her commanding grasp of all things Te was quick to point out that the box says "In Asia, Rooibos is known as 'long life tea'." and we pondered what the hell do we care about what Asians think about South African Te, that would be like reading some ridiculous tea blog to on the internets. (side note: some Asians do think this according to the all-knowing internets, but this be an elaborate marketing ploy perpetrated by Distinctly Tea.)

Right the Tea!

X-Bein: It is a nice fruit tea. The bouquet is juicy, spicy in aroma. Balanced Melange, shouldn't really be a rooibos, reminds me of a children tea. Decent sweetness.

I would trade a stolen Red (sic) for a kilo of this tea.

A gentle dipping with the balls.

Scalded Balls: Fine aromas, cranberry and something I can't quite put my nose on - vanilla maybe. The taste is quite fruity and excessively sweet, not really my cup of Te.

I would trade 2 untanned cat pelts for a kilo of this Te, as I am on the outs with them today.

No balls in. However, I would perfume them in the fine aromas

Lipton South African Red

From the same line of pyramid-bag teas as Lipton's Sri Lankan Gold

Everyone was a bit tired at this point.

The Anatomically Disadvantaged Reviewer: This tea is indifferent on the way down and has an aftertaste like cough medicine, so I'd trade a bottle of expired cough syrup for a kilo.

vector: Tastes like hot water... smells flowery.

If you boiled popcorn it would smell like this and so I would trade a kilo of boiled popcorn for such.

Cronkwrong: Tastes worse than that time I sucked on Jules' toes. Like french-kissing a mule.

Sylver: This minty thingy whatever... sucks.

I'd trade all of an uncooperative Francophone coworker for a kilo.

Scalded Balls: Bitter. Reference my earlier Tetley article.

I'd trade 1/2 a kilo of bark mulch for a kilo of this.

Absolutely no balls

Tetly Orange Pekoe

Certain persons at the tea-tasting insisted that since certain other persons spent so much time railing against Orange Pekoe tea but not actually drinking it they should stop being such princesses and actually review some. A pot of Tetley's was duly produced.

Cronkwrong: Mmm-mm-mmm good.

Scalded Balls: Aargh! (thud)

Sylver: Nothing special with a bitter aftertaste. I'd trade some toenail clippings for a kilo.

Dr. Capitalism: The main experience when drinking this tea is an intense acrid sensation at the back of the throat. Not Pleasant, in other words.

I'd trade a bucket of chum and an open stretch of the Caribbean for a kilo of this muck.

If I was shot by a ray that made me the polar opposite of what I am now, and I for example ate kittens and drove an SUV and also hated my testicles (opposite, remember) I would definitely immerse my balls in this tea.

The Tea Brewery Tranquility Bay Licorice/Peppermint Tea

vector: I'd sooner drink my own urine while dying in the desert than this.

I'd trade a plastic corkscrew for a kilo of Tranquility Bay.

Balls: no.

Scalded Balls: Minty, with a sweet aftertaste and a hint of stickiness (sticky like twigs).

For a kilo of this I'd trade a large bag of peppermints.

No balls.

Sylver: Makes my nose and mouth dance together in happiness - its minty-fresh goodness will provide safe haven for my balls.

For a kilo I'd trade Windos ME.

Dr. Capitalism: This tea tastes like minty aspertame. I hate it.

I'd trade a big pile of breast implants for a kilo, as they're just as artificial as it tastes.

I fear sterility merely from drinking this tea. My balls shall never dare its toxic depths.

(Dr Capitalism's review based upon one sip of said tea)

Cronkwrong: I wouldn't serve this to Alex.